Earlier this week my husband woke me up before he was going to work to ask me if I’d make a doctors appointment for him the next day. He then proceeded to tell me about some symptoms he’d been having for a while that he’d noticed had grown worse of the previous few days.

I’m not prepared to say what’s going on at this time, but I will say that it could be something serious, possibly cancer.

There I said. One of my worst fears. As I’m sure it would be any spouses worst fear to think that someone you love might be seriously ill.

I’m not going to get all worked up over this yet though as we still have no idea what we might be dealing with. I just need to write it out and deal with my feelings a little bit. My worlds been a little Topsy Turvy since hearing about this on Tuesday morning and I need to get some stuff off my chest. That’s what blogs are for aren’t they?

As I said it could be something serious, but it might also be something that can be treated easily.

Chris went to see our family doctor yesterday and as I already knew Chris’ symptoms could be something that’s not so bad or it could be something very serious. She didn’t do any blood work – and I wish she did as that might have given us some answers quickly. She did however give him a requisition to get an ultrasound.

The ultrasound is scheduled for next Thursday and it should give us some answers.

If this does turn out to be something that needs further investigation such as a biopsy or surgery and then treatment we may very well end up not going to Las Vegas in November as we’d be making dealing with his health problem a priority and we’d push for treatment ASAP.

I think I’m a fairly strong person, but I’ve been through a lot in the last few years and I’m afraid that if something is seriously wrong with my husband it could be the final straw that ends up breaking me.

You see … both of my parents died in the last few years. Within a year and a half of each other. My father died quite suddenly of heart failure (he’d had serious heart problems for years), while my mother ended up having bowel, adrenal and brain cancer. We watched my mothers health decline while in the hospital over a two month period.

Fortunately she didn’t suffer for long – I know she could have lingered like that for a year or more. It was very stressful though, and since she was in my former home town I was working for a day or two and driving back and forth from Toronto to Ottawa several times each week for a two month period.

After she passed away my siblings and I settled my mothers financial affairs, divided up the household belongings and sold the home we were all raised in. There were a few family squabbles over inheritances and that didn’t help the situation any so that too was stressful.

A few months after that my husband started passing out at work and it was thought for several months that he had a serious heart arrhythmia and that he’d need a pacemaker defibrillator surgically implanted into his chest. After months of tests the doctors decided he didn’t have the rare arrhythmia that they thought he did and his symptoms finally started to settled down. He was off work at the time for about five months. He still gets those weird almost passing out symptoms though. His current health crisis doesn’t appear to be related to this past ailment.

A year later my sister ended up having surgery that went terribly wrong and she ended up in a coma for 7 days and suffered irreparable brain damage. My husband and I were in the hospital with her almost 24 hours a day while she was in a coma and then for the next few months as she began to recover we were both quite involved with her care and support.

For all of these last three crisis’ I was the main “go to” person. Being a nurse I represented the family when speaking with the doctors and explained what was going on in layman’s terms to the various family members after I’d speak with each specialist. I was also the person that was at each persons bedside the most and I had very little sleep during those stressful times.

So it’s not surprising that two months after my sisters surgery and subsequent coma I became very ill with my crohns, nor I suppose is it strange that the Crohn’s hasn’t settled down in the last two years. I went through a few years of heavy heavy stress that would cause just about anyone some kind of health or stress related problem.

So … now Chris might be seriously ill.

I’m obviously more worried about him than how his potential illness might affect me, but still, I do have to factor in how well I can support him if I have to go through another extremely stressful time. Especially if his family decides to “support” Chris by being constantly around (meaning they’d stay in our home and stress us both out to no end).

I guess for now I’m not going to think about all the things that might happen. I’m just going to concentrate on keeping my husband healthy and hoping/ praying that it’s not something serious.

He seems fine though. He doesn’t have pain and he’s able to work etc. He just has these troubling symptoms that need to be investigated quickly.